Wednesday HOME day

I had to cancel work today.

I over did working too much IN and OUT of the house..

I did grab work on the weekend too..

I need to recharge by being lazy again.

I did so much decluttering; and putting together chairs; getting the tree; working on the weekend too.

I did relax each day.. but i'm just Tired physically.

Last night there was a phone conference too until 9PM.. an hour one; but just got tired mentally.. with too much house work and work work.. lol

So the house will be quiet for 6 more hours; I'm going to read; listen to audio tape; nap; watch t.v. ......... and later too .. do more of the same.. !!

Recharge myself...........!!

I wish everyone a peaceful day too.

Tuesday Eve

I'm grateful I just exercised for 20 minutes.. gosh, I felt it.. totally getting stiff..whew..

I'm grateful to have that AWARENESS............. (I rather read and read.. but really I can fit in exercise if I really want to do so.. ). I did walk a half mile today outside too.. but that was not too much.

I'm grateful that today was the FIRST of DECEMBER.. whew.. not a Winter Person.. but I promised myself to try to embrace it a bit. Carry an umbrella and a folded raincoat with me .. when I freelance for protection against the element.. (which did come in useful yesterday).

I'm grateful I can order food online and not lug it home in the cold since I don't drive.

I'm grateful for free firewood from some little tiny trees that were cut from my yard the other summer.. they are dry enough to use this winter.. :) (big smiles).

I'm grateful that work went well... I stayed productive today; and took a tiny nap; and listening to a book on audit too.

I'm grateful no cooking this evening.. free dinner from a job I did that I took home for my son and I. :)

I'm grateful to remember that I have to keep being GRATEFUL... !!!!!

My goal for winter is to read * exercise * work on days there is no winter rain or snow.. and move jobs around on BAD days... (it is great I can make up work on the weekend most of the time.). Work is enjoyable..but not traveling in the elements.

The elements remind me to stay indoors and be sensible if cold too... NYC can get cold.. not as cold as some.. but cold.. brr.. and I don't drive.. I'm a real New Yorker taking mass transportation.. all over.. and freelancing mean ALL OVER.. (practical to take off on bad days and make up work on the weekends. (I'm blessed i can do that too).

The companies I freelance for know that if the weather is bad they have to be flexible to all of us too. It is a Given...

I'm grateful for my health............and I have to take care of my body and exercise as i repeated stated in the past.. I get off track . .somewhat back on track and then off again; never fully back in the regiment I used to do about 5 and 7 years ago..

I did it before and I can do it again..........just laziness. :)

Tuesday Morn

Giving thanks... for a beautiful day...!!

This time of the year I have less get-up and go... so I'm making sure I eat right and get plenty of sleep..........so I can still do all my chores; and work assignments... :)

I'm grateful for practicing self-care.

This time of the year I gain weight too easily from it getting dark at 4:45 PM and already gained about 5 to 7 pounds the last 6 weeks with the colder weather.

I'm grateful that I'm going to start looking into stocking up on more lo-calorie but healthy food. I sleep more and run around less..........but used to eating the same as I do in the spring and summer and early fall...... (a big no-no).

And I had a work assignment where I got to eat a free breakfast yesterday. I had to order a special beverage.. but I could have order a special tea and not the high calorie gingerbread one.. with so much whip cream on top.. lol.

I know.. but it was good....... !! :)

I'm grateful that today I get a free dinner to take home from a work assignment and will not have to cook.......for my 13 year old son and me.....just a report to enter......

I have a lot of work today......and the rest of the week........

This month the weekend gig ends...only for 2 months.......

I have to find another gig........... and luckily I'm not set up to just do one type of work; I'm flexible. and I don't have to get a huge salary. My life is set up moderately and I don't drive so no car payment. i don't use cell phones.. so no cell phone payment. I live relatively simple. :) ...which means less stress.

I'm grateful for knowing that simple is the best for me........ I've been this way since I was a child. I appreciate fine things; from time to time.......but I don't have to personal own them.. just view them at museums.. and my job and dating allowed me to eat in fancy places at times.. but I don't feel the need to do so often or consistently.

The less stuff you own; the less that owns you.......the less you have to tend to.. to clean..to manage.. a wise professor taught me that in college.

I'm thankful I made an extra 195.00 this month when I did my last day IN and OUT budget. It will be used to take my youngest ice skating.. a bit expensive at Rockefeller center .. around 60.00 .. and make a nice Christmas dinner.. and take my daughter someone too in lieu of a gift..

I have other gifts to give the three too from work assignments too.. got for free..........and the netbook for only 58.00 for my youngest for switching internet companies.

No pressure ever in life............ over gift giving.....

night time blessings..

Today was a special day

...........just an ordinary but special day.. !!

I'm feeling more and more each day is a gift... !!

I'm grateful for all the little things... work; a hot shower; a great book; my sons being a part of my daily life........food....... blankets.. and my lap top.. :)............and just that I'm truly blessed to be in a serene and happy place in my life.

I don't have to go to too many Al-Anon meetings anymore. I have the tools.. and I no longer need others to remind me or to hear the stories as much.

I feel a real resolution about the past.............and I have boundary set up with my only remaining qualifier.. and she has her own journey; and I can enjoy her but not get wrapped up in trying to change her .. or make her have a life I think she should have.

I don't make ERRORS anymore.. in my personal life....... I can't.. whether with friends; or in my romance life; or with my children etc.

I'm incapable of sabotaging myself anymore.

I deserve a wonderful life............... and I'm having a wonderful life. :)

I don't take things personal when someone does something or said something that is not conducive to me. I know it is not me......

I don't play victim anymore........heck, I don't pay Survivor anymore..

I'm just Thriving and Enjoying my life.

When I share about my past.........it is not reliving it anymore...........it is only done at times to let others know they are NOT alone.

I have NO SHAME of the things that happened to me as a child or the mistakes I made sabotaging myself as a grown up.

They say in Al-Anon to Show Up to Grow Up..

But they did not say .. It is so much more FUN being a Grown UP and not not dealing with the HIGH and LOW of any codependent drama. :)

Al-Anon was my HIGHER POWER for awhile.......but now it is NOT. I will, however, always be thankful that it WORKED..

I mentioned this before. The times I was depressed was not genetic.. but LEARNED BEHAVIOR.. which explained why I never needed medications; and I could maybe turn it off when I had responsibilities.. it more LEARNED from living with grown ups that suffered from Depression and passed their traits on to how to respond to life.

I never get Depressed anymore............

Everyone gets sad sometimes momentarily; but even sadness is comprehensible and not all consuming.

I'm grateful that I'm Recovered enough to say all this and KNOW it is to be the truth.

Self- Love ........self- esteem.......self- value.............self-respect............ just means living a life where you take care of yourself.......and not put up with any abuse; lingering past ones in your head; or in your current environment.

I was asked to speak at an OPEN AA MEETING. I declined. I'm grateful for the OPEN meetings I went to because I learned my qualifier traits were commonplace.. and members took me aside and let me know what was what. But I moved on............and with limited time.. doing more stuff to enjoy my days.. reading; studying; going for walks; enjoying a good movie; drawing; writing; etc. I no longer attend them for a couple of months or more now.

And Once a week in Al-anon .. or twice if I have time in the city.. is suffice now too.

It is like when you get better... you don't have to keep taking medicine....

I have not been going to ACOA (Adult child of Alcohlics) the last few weeks either. I have worked so hard to get over my own childhood; understand; embrace it.. and basically released it. It'll always be a part of me...... but living in the HERE and NOW is just where I am the majority of each day now. I don't need to hear about other's childhood issues anymore to relate to them. 6 Months did the trick.. !!

And my Higher Power is no longer derived from the group or any group........ it is firmly embedded in me.

I do understand how it all came together......how I got healthy..... emotionally healthy..

And when they say if you have your health you have everything (referring to your physical health).....Well if you have your emotional health and spiritual health........... Wow.. it is better than a Zillion Dollars......

Lately I'm working on the EGO.. I'm practicing not to be judgmental in all instances.. but to think peaceful thoughts when I get judgmental. It is working.

And to keep working on FEAR... not to be Fearful of things. Fear just paralyzes.. and so I remind myself that there is a spiritual solution to everything. And I feel more peaceful..

I practice feeling Love more to everything and everyone..

And that does not mean staying with unhealthy people and get codependent.. but just loving and letting go..

And helping those that want help.. in a good manner.

The one good thing about having had a HORRIFIC childhood.......is that .. once you heal.. you appreciate life even more so.....

It also make you less FEARFUL in the long run.. ........heck, if I could survive such nonsense.... the economy issues or not finding the right man to date..or whatever.. is just no big deal. I'm not settling for problems either. Just solutions.

Gratitude for Monday... !!

I'm grateful for the simple work day..!!

I'm grateful that there were cancellations so I obtained a bonus doing a job the last day of the month.

I'm grateful that my son I made my son a healthy breakfast and a good packed lunch for his day of school.

I'm grateful for the rain... it made me feel sleepy on the buses today...but it felt calming too.

I'm grateful that the only STRESS I feel is because of PMS symptoms. I'm actually grateful for the symptoms.. that my body is like clockwork every 28 days... at 48 years old.

I'm grateful for the nice phone conversation I had with a dear friend this weekend.

I'm grateful that I did cancel Saturday night 2nd date... I would have had a great time; dining by the water; and being with a fun and intelligent creative man........but he is NOT the right man for me to date; bases on some of his issues.

I'm so grateful that I'm leading a wonderful life and making appropriate emotionally healthy decision.

I'm grateful for the Harry Potter movie I watched on DVD last night.. it was not as good as the book; but very good.. the movie could not fit in such a thick book... each event of it.

It still did an overall good job.. the directors; producers and actors..

I went over my MONTH Budget... and some extra bills came this month (christmas tree; netbook etc.. but I made extra.. so I broke out even... better to break out even ..even with extra expenses than to be behind).

I'm not counting the almost 800.00 for the new hot water heater.. that is in a separate category..

I'm grateful for being back home..since raining out............but I had my raincoat and umbrella and was nice and dry and warm..

Life is how you view it.

Harry Potter; Dr. Who; Clean House..

I not a big t.v./ movie fan........ but the three shows I adore are Harry Potter Movies; Dr. who and the show on style called Clean House with Neicy Nash..

My 25 year old son just surprised me with a Harry Potter DVD... !! Yay......... well watch it after dinner by myself on my lap top.

Today turned out to be great since my first post.

I was able to get a nice shirt for my 25 year old son Christmas present for free via a work assignment; and one with a reptile for my 13 year old son present...........and cozy socks for me.. !!

It turned out to be very warm today; warmer than indoors when I left so I opened the windows.. the weather was perfect today..!!!

My 13 year old son came home from being gone 3 nights.. we went to Pet Stores for food for the pet; ................ and then we went for our Christmas tree.........a real one as usual; but a small one ... just a few feet tall.. to not take up too much space in the living room. Very very cute.

I took him for Pizza and I was good and did not have any..............and then he wanted to pick up something to bring to school for the soldiers.. he got Kleenex and a comb. He knows that I wished there were no soldiers there any longer. They should have been back home.

Finally bags of chips and bagels to go with the coldcut for his packed lunch this week..

It was nice walking around since I don't drive to these stores.. it got dark; and some people already decorated their homes.

I feel truly blessed to be Alive... to be able to afford a cute tree for 24.00. and food and snacks... and to be able to do this as single mom.. to keep finding work and being here for my son after school each day too.

I promised myself years ago not to be one of those single moms that work in the city and come home drain after leaving kids with babysitters..

His best friend called to say his mom flipped out in a store and it was stressful. This mom is single with 2 children; .. 13 and 2 ... and living with her parents and a teacher... and traveling to another borough to work.

I see it all the time.. the father out of the picture and the mom doing everything but luckily she has terrific parents helping her.

I promised myself to be not drain myself. My work. I take off when pouring out and make up on the weekends.. or take off when 1/2 day and make up the work another time..If I have cramps; I take off and catch up a different time.

I'm never putting too much pressure on my body or mind .. and that has kept me a HAPPY mother.. and yes, the fact my son goes away each weekend I have ME TIME too.. from Friday to Sunday.

I've been blessed to know that I can THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX... or why have Children if it is not be with them after school.. (just my opinion).

All those books about The Universe lately...........that life is full of abundance if you say it is....but if you see that you don't feel that way; then life won't bring good things to you.

It does not work by Magic.. but to put in the work too.

Each time I lose clientele.....back to the computer I look for more...

I keep FEAR out of it...........whenever I get fearful or watch the news then I don't find new work............or I hear people saying there are no jobs and on and on.. I tune them out..

If you say there is NOTHING; the Universe will reward you with nothing.

The Universe keeps bringing me Men with very good jobs; and good vehicles and in good health and intelligent.....but no one right for me.

My age .. 48, is not stopping me from meeting men my age.......but why is everyone wrong ... for me. I had to cancel last night 2nd date with someone once I learned more about him.

Someone who read the same book as me; and others have said; that I keep saying I want to remarried; but that I don't. There is a part of me that is ENJOYING learning about new people and the adventures of discovering new type of people opinions and such; where they work; how they grew up and I feel like a REPORTER with so many first dates..

I was so sheltered for so many years as a Stay at home Mom and not adventurous as a teen that it is so interesting meeting people from all over.. like when the Maryland man came here with his tandem bike. He was not right for me 2 months ago; but he called to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving.

And so forth........... it's been interesting.

I think I want a boyfriend to have romance but not to marry again .........but I'm so old-fashion that I feel it always has to be ALL or NONE....... and the 4 relationships I had for 15 months each were with all the wrong men; but the romance was amazing.

Well I'm trying to ask the Universe for an exciting man that will be romance and make myself ready to grow up and not want the adventure of meeting new people. To maybe get a job where I meet new people that has nothing to do with dating; but I still learn new things.. from each I meet.

I really do strive from meeting new people so it would be great to have some type of work which I achieve that part constantly and at the same time meet one healthy man for life and marriage..

Maybe I should have been a news reporter.. lol. :)

I wish all the best night ... and that you become clear with what you want in your life; so the Universe brings you all good things (with some work input to achieve your goals too) Being positive brings positive things in your life.. !!

Rambling thoughts on Sunday and Forrest Gump

I'm grateful I wind up accomplishing a lot yesterday.

I took two easy late minute assignments with small bonuses attached; that I did in about 90 minutes and made 49.00 (which is good for me and my lifestyle).

I wind up finally cleaning out EVERYTHING under the DAYBED in my OFFICE/Guest Room. I was able to get rid of all the dust under there too.

This is 2 rooms totally cleaned up now.. my son, 13 room .. and now this room.

The 3rd bedroom is my room and has 2 closets I have most everything thrown out too that I don't need in my closet. I only need another few hours of sorting through some boxes of photos of which I'll keep and which I'll discard.

My attic is totally emptied for years.

And my foyer closet has been removed all old and/or stuff my son outgrew.. !!

I put together 3 small chairs that I had stored under the day bed. I put two in my son's room. And I put the other one in my office/guest room. Good to have an extra chair by the desk.

I put up the Christmas decorations on the shelves (6 shelves) around the fireplace and mantelpiece. I had thrown out boxes and boxes of decorations... now that we have too many pet tanks around the living room.. and dining area..

All in all ...........everywhere looked more Simple; No clutter.. even with the tanks... (19) tanks... because of all I did to get rid of everything else to simplified.

The last thing I need to do is finally paint my son's room which I did not do this time around when I had the time. It was better to continue to de-clutter.

My weekend job was not on this weekend.. but I took some work for today.

I lost more work -- more clientele not wanting to spend in this area -- and luckily still finding other work.

I have to spend time doing a real search for more work opportunity as I always do in the past two years when the economy keeps making me lose work.

Today just making 46.00 but will only take 120 minutes to do so between traveling; work site; and entering report.. and also earn a free shirt to give my older son for Christmas.

I'm continuing to find work opportunities but way more of a challenge... !!!

The funny thing about my HP.... my mortgage in the last 7 years of being on my own went down by 725.00 a month... due to various elements.. so now only paying 1975.00 per month approximately. But my income dropped too with the economy issues in my line of work.

I've been on my own since 17 .. 31 years........and it keeps working out...... and I did make it more of a challenge by renting to my son for half of what I could get for downstairs. I don't regret doing so.

Some good news... I have a fun breakfast and lunch job on December 17th in Manhattan.. I'm making my son miss school to take him Ice Skating at Rockefeller Center. It'll cost about 60.00 for two... but will be eating a free breakfast and lunch .. so that will be covered. All in the same area of Rockefeller Center. We did this two years ago; I had a different lunch assignment there.

I like doing things instead of buying more stuff that will add clutter to our home. He is getting a netbook too. (when I switched to Verizon Fios.. free 300 HP mini netbook for just 58.00 (nyc tax and delivery charges).

Will take my daughter somewhere special instead of buying a gift ... her rented condo closets are bursting at the seams.. !!!

I watched Forrest Gump from 9pm to Midnight..

I saw it 15 years ago.......but this time it meant a lot to me.

It is sad Jenny purposely sabotage her life and died of a virus (aids??) because of her drunken father and be molested and going from one abusive relationship after the next; and drinking and partying too much. Dying at 37 and leaving Forrest their son..

I went back a couple of years ago to see the house I grew up (where I was molested and the drunkeness etc).

I met so many women who life was made hard by turning that type of past into self-destructive activities.

I graduated college and lead a basically nerdy simple life... and was a mom at 22 by accident; but that made me more responsible and not a partier. I won a lawsuit too and did not have to work.

I have a great life..........

Forrest Gump really hit home on so many issues... that I did not see the first time I watched it 15 years ago when it came out.

I like how it ended.. we have a destiny but we also have control over that destiny.. it could be both. I think that is why I have a great life .. and very happy too.

This is my rambling Sunday post...

Awareness

Today Al-Anon morning meeting on Awareness went very well.. :)

I've been saying for awhile.. 'Ignorance is NOT Bliss'.. best to have awareness so you can accept and take action on whatever it is.. !!

And living with Clarity is actually more productive and brings more Peace and Serenity.

Sometimes it is even amusing to see things clearly that I did not see before. Not to be critical or judgmental; but just the enjoyment of seeing What is What... that I did not really see so clearly in the past in the same instances.

I no longer live in Denial OR make Excuse for others or myself; or Whitewash Facts.

I'm happier; and Life is More Crystal Clear and Vibrant.. and Beautiful!!!

hugs to all.. happy Saturday.

my day: wonderful company.... broke a date too... great book..

My daughter's ex-fiance came over to see me for an hour.. it was great seeing him. They broke up a few years ago.. and they were pre-engaged not engaged when I say fiance.

In my heart i have this 'knowing' that someday .. even in 10 years or 20 years...they'll be back together. He is not perfect; but perfect for her ... and I always saw that about them.

I did not tell him about my 'knowing'.. it is my 'knowing'.. and best kept to myself.


I canceled tomorrow 2nd date with the Fox Guy........wow, he turned out to be odd.. good thing something he did made me aware of that.. and so no-no. My HP says no-no about this one.
I made a simple comment that I'm glad we meet even though his pictures were a bit blurry and hard to see that he was quite attractive.

I go on the dating site.. and he put up new pictures of himself ... 3.. and standing with no shirt on.. flexing his muscles... lol......lol.......lol...

I'm not laughing at him.............but really .. 49 year old standing with no shirt flexing his muscles... is a big turn off.

And kind of weird he wants more attention from strangers when we have a 2nd date plan tomorrow at a very very very nice restaurant by the water.

I never even write back to any man that pose with no shirt and flexing to top it off?? whew..

I, ladylike, and kindly got out of the date.. and that is that.

Most intelligent attractive women will not find such photos of man a turn-on; but a turn-off... like going through a mid-life crisis; or showing off that he is in top shape.. like a piece of meat... (and not leaving anything to the imagination being half-naked). And it makes him look like a PLAYER.. even if he may or may not be.

I had a great day .. not working.. and reading Your Sacred Self. amazing book. Totally worth reading.. I'm half finished.. by Dr. Wayne Dyer again.

I've been very happy lately.......at peace with my life............and even at peace with others ... and how they conduct themselves (it is not judging; just being prudent how I spend my time.. ).

No Black Friday for Me

I keep the holiday simple.

My youngest son is getting a Netbook. He can keep all his reptile/amphibian data on his own computer now.

I switched to Verizon and it only cost 58.00 with tax and delivery charges... instead of 358.00

I switched to Verizon since I needed a new wireless router and it came with a free one and someone to put it in too.

I also switched because with my other plan if the service went out the phone went out too.

This new plan is costing me $20.00 a month more but we get more science channels and exercising channels too.

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For my 23 year old daughter who I don't want to spend the Holiday days with because of her partners drug problem; I'll get tickets to a show and we'll do a girl day out.. the other month she took me to a play and I took her to dinner.

No real shopping..

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For my 25 year old son I'll get him some clothes since he is into dressing nicer and nicer.

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I don't exchange with friends.

And this year I'm getting a tiny real tree instead of a huge one; and rid myself of almost all decorations due to the tanks taking up too much room. It will be too cluttered now that we have all these pets. :)

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My favorite part of the Holiday is reading a Christmas book each night with my 13 year old son.

And that we are going to go Ice Skating at Rockefeller Center.. make him miss a day of school.

And not buying into the madness of overspending or feeling disappointed or moody. Too many get moody around the holidays..

Each day is special..!!! And I'm not a christian anyway... it is more just a habit to put the tree up and give gifts.. and it is nice smelling a real tree all month. :)

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Dating..

I was supposed to meet a few other nice men.. but since I accepted a 2nd date with the Fox Guy for tomorrow night.. I declined the others now.

I'm not in a rush to get too involved with anyone. It is more like lack of time. I have to work; keep my home clean; cook; shop; spend a lot of time with my 13 year old son on week days; read; spiritual group; try to get back into more exercising.. etc.

I have no time to date and date too many men... at the same time.

I went on 8 dates (all first dates) in 3 weeks .. and tried to make half coffee dates so just an hour and near my home; when I had work in the area too.

I do have to admit.. that this Fox Guy really has his LIFE together.. lol.. I can't find any deal breakers talking to him. He has an honest aura about him.

http://StopSenateStalling.com

Dear Betty Ann,

Thanks so much for signing our petition.

Health care is too important to fail in the Senate. Why should launching wars and cutting taxes for the rich require only 50 votes while saving lives requires 60?

Tell your friends to join us in calling for an end to this unfair system. Forward this message to five friends, and urge them to sign the petition at:

http://StopSenateStalling.com

http://StopSenateStalling.com

It's time for Majority Leader Reid to modify the rules of the Senate to require only 55 votes to invoke cloture instead of 60.

Thank You,

Alan Grayson
U.S. Congressman

Higher Power

When I first went to Al-Anon.. I found my HP (HIGHER POWER) in the group sharing....

I then found my HP in certain members that I can Identified with more..

I then found my HP in certain members that I did not want to identified myself with but become more healthy like they were..

I JUST NEVER put anyone on a PEDESTAL.. because no one wants to be on one.. everyone is human.

I now find my HP in ME.

I had my HP in me all along..............

Like Dorothy in the Wizard of OZ had the ability to go HOME at anytime. I used this phrase before.

BEFORE AL-ANON I tried to find my HP in Unhealthy dating or a marriage relationship..........and so I have come a long way............

I have heard the phrase for years about God (HP) or whatever in you but I ignored it .. and just thought it was some religion nonsense.

I have not TURNED RELIGION.. I'm even more anti-religion...............

Religion is conformity; tradition; and wants the whole Flock to think alike and not listen to what is inside. Rules.. rules.. traditions.. etc...rigidity a lot of the time.

I'm sure some churches are run differently and there is so many good folks that go to church or lead churches.

My HP is just my connection with my soul; my spirit; energy; whatever.. it does not even need defining. It is a strong spirit; and I can inward and realized that there are NO PROBLEMS and just vanity; ego; and earthly issues. My spirit can just BE.. be HAPPY.. be accepting of others.. I can not let words or others actions hurt me for more than a brief amount of time.

I'm truly at peace.. things can still make me sad; but for just small periods of time. sadness; worry; etc.. are just useless emotions.. they don't fix things or help others; or uplift me.

I can't control other people or make them have better lives or make better decisions.. but I can stop worrying .. because if there is nothing physical I can to help them; because they are not ready to change.. then why be sad or worry to such extremes that I don't enjoy my own life..??

It is better I set the example that life is great; and living a good life is a fun thing; and not to gossip or spread negativity and be upbeat... and cry privately for a bit if need to do so; but re-emerge with JOY.

My daughter called.. she is with her 30 year old boyfriend the financial wiz drug addict.. who got off drugs just to be back on now.. they took this brother's 2 kids shopping for clothes yesterday and spending time with them at his parents home. The brother died about 6 months ago from drugs; he was divorce; and this is the first HOLIDAY season that the parents are not with their older son... but with this son (my daughter's boyfriend) who is on pot; drinking; coke.. do they see it?? Who knows.. ??

My daughter started gossiping that these little children mom did not pack clothes for their weekend at their grandparents home.. (and I told her not to gossip; maybe she is right she wants others to buy new clothes for them; because she is having trouble providing for them with her ex-husband dead now.. who knows.. NO GOSSIPING). Her boyfriend is spending tons on Coke.. so what is the big deal anyway spending 200 on new clothes for these small children 4 and 7). But I did not say that...

I'm just happy that I'm not dealing with her boyfriend.. I don't want to get close to someone on drugs.. who was rockbottom two years ago; and owed 70, 80 thousand; and paid it all off .. just to now go back on drugs..

It is all La-La land.. her talking about stuff............when she herself has an Accountant degree and was picked for a top accounting firm but quick last October after 3 weeks to work 1 or now 3 days a week; and have a drug addict support her. 500.00 in clothes last month to go to his cousin's weddign to show her off??

But I did not say this either.

Yes.. I might be spiritual and but I can still see and think the obvious.. but I'm not saying things anymore. I'm just going to live a good life and prayer for my daughter .. that her alcoholic personality finds recovery.. drinking less and less; and still leaning on a drug addict to support her.. sport car payment ect. Makes no sense..

I'm going to be happy..............because my life is good; and she'll wake up someday.. she has MY BLOOD and a lot of me in her........she wants to learn the hard way in life.......instead of realizing she is blessed with a college degree and intelligence and ability to work and be strong independently..

All in good time. I'm patient............and besides it is her life..

I have my HP and I'm aligned with being emotionally healthy and that means Worrying is Useless.. and just hope and prayer for the best for all...............

food * materialistic objects * shelter... money...........is not as important when you don't have serenity and grace and peace............ and living in drama and chaos and not being independent and strong. Having a peace in your soul is something that is priceless.. and leads to all good things.. and enough materialistic things to support our human bodies.. Excess is just clutter.

Happy ThanksGiving Everyday...!!! 3:24 PM EST

Happy Thanksgiving Everyday..!!!

It is great to how an Attitude of Gratitude each and every single day the last six months.

My brunch with my two sons went very well... simple; easy; relaxing.... (except only the eggs were organic.. but I'll survive)

I'm grateful I learned to only do what feels right for me. :)
..going to Al-Anon and ACOA (Adult Child of Alcoholism) really made me learn to not be codependent which used to lead to resentment.

I would have been filled with resentment if I had to spend time this holiday season with my daughter's 30 year old financial wiz (but drug addict boyfriend). Live and Let Live..

And in recent days I realized I can prayer for him......and have said a prayer for him each day. (a non-religious one.. )... a spirit from my heart; soul; mind... to my higher power that this young man finds his way and that my daughter is well too.

I'm grateful that I can do this with grace and kindness; and yet, not put myself into situations where I would feel trapped hearing and witnessing illness of the mind. I had enough of that as a child.. and that is the past. I have FREEDOM now. :) .. to say NO.. kindly and lovingly.

I'm grateful for my emotional health.

I'm grateful for my physical health.

I'm grateful for so many things.... that it would take days and days to list..

Mainly I'm grateful for learning to live in the HERE and NOW and still prepare for the future when I must do so.. but it is the NOW that makes me feel more and more Vibrant and Serene at the same time.

I'm thankful to the Blogging Community that we can share things ... be our own authors; like each of us having our own newspaper column and our readers can write in and express themselves ... and share their own ESH (experience * strength * hope).

I'm grateful for comments.. even if I write for me mainly to get it out to the Universe..

We are all made of Energy and computers have an energy too.. and all form of communication amongst others .. all over the world.. is Amazing.. !! We are all the same - HUMANS - yet each different; and the difference is totally cool and the similarity is bonding.

I'm grateful today Obama is Our President... I'm going to start to keep him in my prayers... I feel he is not doing all he can do; because he has to have everyone vote on things; and that holds everything up; distort things; water things down.

I prayer he does not get tired of the fight for CHANGE.... and that he remembers that we need him; and he stays humble in being a servant to this nation.

I wish there were NO COUNTRIES and we were just one world.... but for now it is this way; and so I pray for change to make this wonderful country even more wonderful.. !!

I'm thankful for the life I have............

and that I'll live on forever.. just not in this body............and not sure in what form or way.. but I have faith we live on...

hugs to all.